My Body Positivity Journey

This post has been a long time coming, and it was one that I wanted to be very thoughtful about writing. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to share, what parts of my life were truly relevant to my journey, or how to broach a topic sensitive to so many. On a daily basis, in one form or another, I am asked “how did you become body positive?” In short, there is no easy way to answer this kind of question, because there are many different understandings about the definition of body positivity. I align with the approach and definition provided by The Body Positive Organization, and I encourage everyone to check them out at the bottom of this post, to gain insight into the heart of the movement. Definitions aside, I want to talk about my road to body positivity. Today, I am happier than I have ever been when it comes to my body. But it was a long journey to acceptance, and I still have a ways to go. But, along the way, I became curvy, happy and body positive. Because size and happiness are not mutually exclusive. 

There is a young woman’s story that has really impacted me, that I want to share with you first. This woman is older now, but her story began when she was 15. She was kind, bright and intelligent, yet, as a result of societal body ideals, she felt insecure about her size 10 figure. Despite what she knew to be true, she believed she was less than because of her body. That insecurity eventually grew into resentment, which turned into self-hate, which turned into self-destruction, and she slowly developed an eating disorder. Fast forward three years, the young woman is now in college, and her disorder had progressed into what she could only describe as a quiet monster. During her freshman year, she dropped to a size 6 (her weight went back to an 8, to a 6, to a 10, back to an 8 again), but she still looked “normal” so it was easy for her to fly under the radar without apearing ill or waving red flags.

But for the rest of her college years, she had become a prisoner to herself. By the end, it had become exhausting. She was exhausted. All she ever really wanted was to like herself, and she really did believe this monster was helping to get her there. She put herself through physical distress daily, to try and achieve a happiness she thought only came from being a certain size. What she didn’t realize, was that she was just pushing happiness further away. After 6 years of an eating disorder, and a friend who physically stood in front of the bathroom until she said she would stop, the young woman sought help from the health center, and began healing. But her journey took many years before it reached a positive place. If you haven’t caught on by now, that young girl was me. Emphasis on was. I had such a support-filled, loving, and positive life (still do), with common body image issues most teenage girls have. I actioned on them differently and unhealthily, and it grew completely out of my control. But today, I can proudly say, after a lot of hard work, I am no longer that woman. 

There was a lot I left out, the details are very personal, and parts of this are still painful for me. If I could tell 15 year old me one thing, it would be, “You are beautiful. You are worthy. Your body is not your enemy. Believe in yourself. Be kind to yourself.” There are so many roads to body positivity, many of which do not require a challenging past, but rather the desire for a peaceful future. This is just my story. But the first major turning point for me was realizing, that in any circumstance, hate takes a lot of energy, and when you hate your body, it will run your well dry, sista. I decided I would work on small but powerful steps towards self-love, appreciating my figure and allowing myself to enjoy the beautiful life in front of me. Body positivity is a process, not an overnight glow-up. For me personally, it was a gradual but steady journey over the course of a couple years.

I realized that finding my happy place and living freely meant accepting myself at a heavier weight, and I was ready for that. What I wasn’t prepared for, is the body marginalization plus-size women experience, that part was really difficult to adjust to. This actually caused me to take a few steps back in my progress. But I found resources and inspirations like The Body Positive Organization, Katie Sturino, and Ashley Graham, and I felt heard. I felt seen. My body was being positively represented in the media through these women, which made that adjustment much easier. I felt like I had found my virtual tribe in the body positive Insta-community. And once I saw all the good that began to flow in and I saw the good in myself, I was amazed. I slowly but surely began to believe in all my wonderful physical, mental and emotional attributes. My mom was also pivotal in me seeing my beauty and learning to love my body. I was at peace with my body and at peace with my being. I started to accept myself, and every flaw and every gem that was part of me. I saw that happiness stems from inner peace, and a stability only possible without the presence of self-hate, and with the presence of acceptance.

With time, I accepted myself and my curvy figure, I saw that I am worthy, inside and out. I went from a 6 to a 16, and being body positive at a 16 is the best thing that has happened for my soul. My body is unique, it is special and it is mine. I truly love my body, because it is the only one I’ve got, and every imperfection, quirk and curve should be embraced. I still have insecurities, we all do. Body positivity does not make you immune to insecurities or moments of self doubt, otherwise, we wouldn’t be human. I am living my life, every day putting one foot in front of the other, wearing exactly what I want to wear, letting my confidence breathe and not allowing my size to control a damn thing. My size does not dictate me, my style, my intellect, my value or my life. All women and all bodies are beautiful, it has nothing to do with size and everything to do with who you are and the love you give yourself. Everyone deserves self-love and everyone’s body image issues are real, no matter your history and no matter your size classification. To me, body positivity is a healthy place where love and your body co-exist, and even fuel one another. If you want to feel body positive and aren’t there yet, don’t worry. It can and it will happen, just have faith. Regardless of the skin you’re in, celebrate yourself, celebrate your style, see your beauty and know your worth. Remember to be compassionate to yourself and know that you are enough, just the way you are.

If you know someone who is suffering from disordered eating and needs help, please visit www.thebodypositive.org for resources.